[my] truth about the first trimester
One of the first things I realized when I became pregnant was that there was no way for me to know what I was in for. Sure, there are textbook answers of the progression through the first trimester, what changes you might see, symptoms you might have, etc. The reality is, you won't know if you are in for the easy, breezy or the pregnancy from H-E-double-hockey-sticks until you're already too far gone for it to make a difference. Before I go any further, let me add my disclaimer: Please don't mistake my post for ingratitude. I am thrilled and blessed to have (so far) a healthy and normal pregnancy without complications. That being said, I have really appreciated hearing my friends experiences during their pregnancies -- the good, the bad, and the ugly. That's what I'm doing this for: to share my truth about my experience thus far and maybe make you laugh, cringe, or end up with a tidbit of advice to take along, if and when you may ever need it.
Since we are starting from the first tri, I might as well start with the beginning of how and when we decided to start our family and the "finding out" bit. Since we got married, I had been on "the pill". After a few months, it became apparent that I was putting on a noticeable amount of weight for the first time in several years. I switched pills, tried that for a few months, still no change, no matter what I did. I became increasingly frustrated so I decided to get an IUD. It wasn't an easy decision for me and it somewhat scared me a little bit, as well as saddened me. It seemed like committing to this more long-lasting option put baby-making pretty far out on the back-burner. I know you can take out an IUD whenever, but it still felt like babies were farther away from us than ever before. The sadness weighed me down, but I kept quiet about it. The night before I was scheduled for my IUD procedure, I finally broke down and told Bronson how I felt, that we might need to re-evaluate our "timeline" and consider starting a family. Deciding to totally change directions was a bit of a crazy notion to both of us, but my feelings were undeniable and so strong and with a little nudge, Bron was right there with me. So, we decided we would allow nature to run its course and just "see what happens".
Much to our mutual surprise and joy, it didn't take long at all (first time)! We found out we were expecting very early, at about four weeks. I know my PMS is like clockwork, so when I was expecting my ugly PMS to show up and nothing happened, I decided to take a pregnancy test, unbeknownst to Bron, who was playing video games. The test came back positive right away, no denying it. I opened the bathroom door and stared at Bronson. "Bron," I said. He took off his gamer headphones, "What?" "...I'm pregnant." The look of disbelief on his face, I'd never seen anything like it. I brought over the test, which he took from me, examined, looked at me with a slight furrowed brow and asked totally seriously, "How did you do this? This isn't real." Once I explained to him Yes, this is real. Yes, this means positive. Positive means pregnant, a huge grin spread across his face and he just started laughing. We shared the sweet, happy moment, albeit in disbelief, for a long while. We were too excited to keep it to just ourselves, so we let our families and very closest friends in on our little secret. But we decided to hold off on making the announcement until at least 12 weeks.
I will tell you, I thought I was experiencing symptoms of morning sickness at about 5 1/2 weeks. I was having mild bouts of nausea and slightly fickle tummy. I was in for a harsh reality check when week 7 came around. By then, I was constantly nauseated to the point where I wanted to throw up, but I didn't/wouldn't. Early on, I found a bit of relief from the tried-and-true remedies involving ginger or peppermint in various forms, along with bland, dry foods (saltine crackers, mainly). However, I relied on these things so frequently that it didn't take long for them to make me feel sick. My food aversion was/has been equally as frustrating, as I suddenly had no taste or appetite for 98% of food, including my former favorites. Finding something I can eat without mentally or physically gagging is a task that requires much thought and mental preparation even now sometimes. Whoever thought eating, a usually pleasurable activity, could be so daunting? I tried many remedies -- the ones listed earlier, as well as sea-bands (acupressure wristbands), B6 + Unisom, anything that came recommended, I tried. I finally got a prescription for Zofran from my OB at 10 weeks. That, ladies, was my saving grace, the only thing that brought me any relief. Now, I will share this bit of info in case you come into the same situation I did. My insurance (as well as many others) was very stingy with their coverage when it came to Zofran. Apparently, it is a very expensive medication, even for the insurance companies. My OB gave me a Rx for 90 pills, of which my insurance limited me to/covered 12. Those 12 pills cost $15. I was unable to refill my prescription for a month. Thankfully my morning sickness has weaned a bit and I have been able to survive without it, but had I decided to get it without insurance, Zofran is $3-5 a pill. Yeah, yikes. Anyways, I hope the rest of you have had/will have better luck than me with the loveliness of morning sickies.
One more side effect that most, if not all, mommas in the first trimester have to deal with -- being tired. Let's be real: it is straight up exhausting to make a baby. Between the sickness, food aversion, exhaustion, and being at cosmetology school on my feet eight hours a day, my body wasn't having it. I decided to listen to my body and ended up taking a medical leave-of-absence from school during weeks 9-12. And even though on my LOA, all I did was binge watch TV shows and sit on the couch/in bed, I felt like I had just run a marathon, even first thing after waking up. It was so difficult for me to deal with the physical reality of being exhausted when mentally I was doing no-thing. Being a baby-making factory is no joke. My best advice is this: Do not fight your body. The exhaustion will win. Just do what you so desperately want to do and SLEEP. It's the best way to go, at least it was for me.
Now, happy news is that things have been improving for me. I have been terrified at the thought that these symptoms were going to drag me down through the rest of my pregnancy. But I have just recently been getting small breaks from the constant nausea and been able to eat a greater variety of foods. However, at week 12, I did throw up for the first time and have several times since. Odd, since otherwise things are getting better. Being pregnant is quite unpredictable. I've felt very not-in-control of my own body since I found out. I feel like a weird science experiment. But I know, despite all the unpleasantness that has been my first trimester, it will be worth it. My dad recently gave me a pep talk/reality check and said, "This is the most unselfish task you can take upon yourself. You aren't doing this for you; you're doing this for your baby. Just remember that." Through my toughest hours, where all I've been able to do is lean on Bronson and cry out of frustration, the thought of our tiny human keeps me going. It has been a little more real since we have been able to see Baby. It was the wildest thing when we got to see our baby on the ultrasound at 9 1/2 weeks, just a little peanut with the nubby beginnings of arms and legs that were undeniably wiggling and dancing around. At our 12 week appointment, we got to see Baby again, this time with distinguishable arms, legs, feet, and the outline of a face. Still wiggling and kicking around. Our happy, dancing baby in its water world. I like to think our baby is happy because both times we've been able to see, Baby is excited and active like he/she knows we are watching. Hey Mom and Dad, look at these moves! There's nothing like it.
March cannot come fast enough. For now, despite all that I (finally) whined about to you all, I am happy. We are happy. So blissfully happy and thrilled to be blessed to become parents. My greatest calling in this life is to be a mother. I cannot wait to fulfill that role with all my heart. I can't wait to see Bronson become a dad. Life is beautiful. That has never been more clear to me than it is now as this miraculous creation of life continues to grow inside my body. My short, little, almost 22 year-old body that has never had a job near as amazing as this. I guess the pressure is on. ;)
Friend, reader, whoever you are: thanks for reading. It feels good to get this out in the universe, knowing that so many other mommas have had their struggles with pregnancy and everything that comes before and after. This is my truth, and I hope that you appreciate it for what it is as I have appreciated those of you who have shared your truths with me and your "been-there-done-that" wisdom. For my girls out there that haven't yet started a family, I hope I didn't scare you away from ever wanting to become pregnant. It's a tough job, but we are made for it.
Oh, PS. Pregnancy makes you cry all. the. time. Like when you're writing blog posts and things get a little sappy and you think about seeing your baby for the first time. Or when you're watching one of your shows on Netflix and somebody gives birth. Or when you think too much about anything sentimental or cute and cuddly. You will cry. And there's nothing you can do about it.
Since we are starting from the first tri, I might as well start with the beginning of how and when we decided to start our family and the "finding out" bit. Since we got married, I had been on "the pill". After a few months, it became apparent that I was putting on a noticeable amount of weight for the first time in several years. I switched pills, tried that for a few months, still no change, no matter what I did. I became increasingly frustrated so I decided to get an IUD. It wasn't an easy decision for me and it somewhat scared me a little bit, as well as saddened me. It seemed like committing to this more long-lasting option put baby-making pretty far out on the back-burner. I know you can take out an IUD whenever, but it still felt like babies were farther away from us than ever before. The sadness weighed me down, but I kept quiet about it. The night before I was scheduled for my IUD procedure, I finally broke down and told Bronson how I felt, that we might need to re-evaluate our "timeline" and consider starting a family. Deciding to totally change directions was a bit of a crazy notion to both of us, but my feelings were undeniable and so strong and with a little nudge, Bron was right there with me. So, we decided we would allow nature to run its course and just "see what happens".
Much to our mutual surprise and joy, it didn't take long at all (first time)! We found out we were expecting very early, at about four weeks. I know my PMS is like clockwork, so when I was expecting my ugly PMS to show up and nothing happened, I decided to take a pregnancy test, unbeknownst to Bron, who was playing video games. The test came back positive right away, no denying it. I opened the bathroom door and stared at Bronson. "Bron," I said. He took off his gamer headphones, "What?" "...I'm pregnant." The look of disbelief on his face, I'd never seen anything like it. I brought over the test, which he took from me, examined, looked at me with a slight furrowed brow and asked totally seriously, "How did you do this? This isn't real." Once I explained to him Yes, this is real. Yes, this means positive. Positive means pregnant, a huge grin spread across his face and he just started laughing. We shared the sweet, happy moment, albeit in disbelief, for a long while. We were too excited to keep it to just ourselves, so we let our families and very closest friends in on our little secret. But we decided to hold off on making the announcement until at least 12 weeks.
I will tell you, I thought I was experiencing symptoms of morning sickness at about 5 1/2 weeks. I was having mild bouts of nausea and slightly fickle tummy. I was in for a harsh reality check when week 7 came around. By then, I was constantly nauseated to the point where I wanted to throw up, but I didn't/wouldn't. Early on, I found a bit of relief from the tried-and-true remedies involving ginger or peppermint in various forms, along with bland, dry foods (saltine crackers, mainly). However, I relied on these things so frequently that it didn't take long for them to make me feel sick. My food aversion was/has been equally as frustrating, as I suddenly had no taste or appetite for 98% of food, including my former favorites. Finding something I can eat without mentally or physically gagging is a task that requires much thought and mental preparation even now sometimes. Whoever thought eating, a usually pleasurable activity, could be so daunting? I tried many remedies -- the ones listed earlier, as well as sea-bands (acupressure wristbands), B6 + Unisom, anything that came recommended, I tried. I finally got a prescription for Zofran from my OB at 10 weeks. That, ladies, was my saving grace, the only thing that brought me any relief. Now, I will share this bit of info in case you come into the same situation I did. My insurance (as well as many others) was very stingy with their coverage when it came to Zofran. Apparently, it is a very expensive medication, even for the insurance companies. My OB gave me a Rx for 90 pills, of which my insurance limited me to/covered 12. Those 12 pills cost $15. I was unable to refill my prescription for a month. Thankfully my morning sickness has weaned a bit and I have been able to survive without it, but had I decided to get it without insurance, Zofran is $3-5 a pill. Yeah, yikes. Anyways, I hope the rest of you have had/will have better luck than me with the loveliness of morning sickies.
One more side effect that most, if not all, mommas in the first trimester have to deal with -- being tired. Let's be real: it is straight up exhausting to make a baby. Between the sickness, food aversion, exhaustion, and being at cosmetology school on my feet eight hours a day, my body wasn't having it. I decided to listen to my body and ended up taking a medical leave-of-absence from school during weeks 9-12. And even though on my LOA, all I did was binge watch TV shows and sit on the couch/in bed, I felt like I had just run a marathon, even first thing after waking up. It was so difficult for me to deal with the physical reality of being exhausted when mentally I was doing no-thing. Being a baby-making factory is no joke. My best advice is this: Do not fight your body. The exhaustion will win. Just do what you so desperately want to do and SLEEP. It's the best way to go, at least it was for me.
Now, happy news is that things have been improving for me. I have been terrified at the thought that these symptoms were going to drag me down through the rest of my pregnancy. But I have just recently been getting small breaks from the constant nausea and been able to eat a greater variety of foods. However, at week 12, I did throw up for the first time and have several times since. Odd, since otherwise things are getting better. Being pregnant is quite unpredictable. I've felt very not-in-control of my own body since I found out. I feel like a weird science experiment. But I know, despite all the unpleasantness that has been my first trimester, it will be worth it. My dad recently gave me a pep talk/reality check and said, "This is the most unselfish task you can take upon yourself. You aren't doing this for you; you're doing this for your baby. Just remember that." Through my toughest hours, where all I've been able to do is lean on Bronson and cry out of frustration, the thought of our tiny human keeps me going. It has been a little more real since we have been able to see Baby. It was the wildest thing when we got to see our baby on the ultrasound at 9 1/2 weeks, just a little peanut with the nubby beginnings of arms and legs that were undeniably wiggling and dancing around. At our 12 week appointment, we got to see Baby again, this time with distinguishable arms, legs, feet, and the outline of a face. Still wiggling and kicking around. Our happy, dancing baby in its water world. I like to think our baby is happy because both times we've been able to see, Baby is excited and active like he/she knows we are watching. Hey Mom and Dad, look at these moves! There's nothing like it.
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| First u/s at 9w4d (Baby is right-side up) |
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| U/S #2 at 12 weeks (Baby is laying on its back; head is at the bottom right -- see the face and leggies and feet?!) |
Friend, reader, whoever you are: thanks for reading. It feels good to get this out in the universe, knowing that so many other mommas have had their struggles with pregnancy and everything that comes before and after. This is my truth, and I hope that you appreciate it for what it is as I have appreciated those of you who have shared your truths with me and your "been-there-done-that" wisdom. For my girls out there that haven't yet started a family, I hope I didn't scare you away from ever wanting to become pregnant. It's a tough job, but we are made for it.
Oh, PS. Pregnancy makes you cry all. the. time. Like when you're writing blog posts and things get a little sappy and you think about seeing your baby for the first time. Or when you're watching one of your shows on Netflix and somebody gives birth. Or when you think too much about anything sentimental or cute and cuddly. You will cry. And there's nothing you can do about it.
Thanks for sharing your experiences! I'm super excited for you! ;)
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I am glad to hear you are feeling better these days. The second trimester is definitely a breath of fresh air!!! I remember all those symptoms (although I don't think I was as sick as you). I also love the quote! It explains pregnancy so well. I can't wait for him/her to come they are so much fun. A lot of work but still fun.
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